Saturday, October 22, 2016

Careful With That Axe, Eugene!

Man, they used to make romance comics that the guys could get into!!

For example, Vicki and Bob were going to get married...but:

A "cabin in the woods"? Oh, this bodes well!!

Well, a month later, Bob writes her and tells her that his health is restored, and he's ready to get married. So...

What could possibly go wrong?

It turns out that not Bob!!

Turns out that Dexter had escaped from a nearby asylum. But...what about Bob?!?

Not to worry...Bob actually survived!!

Don't do it!!

Holy crap!!

There's a reason only Captain America is allowed to do stunts like that, Dexter!

But of course, it is a romance comic, even if it is a particularly violent and gory one. So...


Of course, if I were Vicki, i would always have in the back of my mind..."Is this one really Bob?" Cue ominous music...

From Dear Lonely Hearts #6 (1954)

Friday, October 21, 2016

Friday Night Fights--Monty Python Style!!

There are kicks, and there are kicks, as we see in this week's Friday Night Fights.

A giant is wreaking havoc on King Blozo's island, and he's sent for Popeye to help. But is even Popeye strong enough to take on a giant?

Now that's a Monty Python style splat!!


Popeye survives. He eats a lot of spinach and beats the giant. The end.

Spacebooger wonders how much of Popeye's spinach-derived strength was just a placebo effect...

The biggest kick of all is from Bud Sagendorf in Popeye #51 (1960), as reprinted in Classic Popeye #51 (2016)

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why?? I'll guarantee there was no bigger kick this week, that's for sure--so go and vote!!

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Tales From The Quarter Bin--The Inhumans Did It First!!

You know, maybe I've been all wrong about the Inhumans!!

See, I've always thought that they were a monstrous creation, an absolute monarchy built on eugenics, with a permanent genetic underclass enslaved to make the trains run on time while the haughty royal family sits around opining how superior they are while occasionally going into space to commit genocide. A really repulsive concept, top to bottom.

Of course, matters aren't help by Marvel's constant attempts to shove the Inhumans down our throats as some sort of "replacements" for mutants, a move that is neither necessary nor sensible.

And yet...maybe it was the mutants that were stealing the Inhumans thunder all along!!

Because...and honestly, this was a big surprise to me--the Inhumans were called "Uncanny" before the X-Men ever were!!

In a long forgotten series, from 1975-1977, the Inhumans had Uncanny emblazoned above the masthead for all 12 issues!

Meanwhile, it turns out that the X-Men never had "Uncanny" on a cover until #114, more than a year after the last issue of that Inhumans run!!

Before that it was always "All-New, All-Different" (except for one issue that said "Now On Sale Monthly").

So it's pretty clear that the X-Men ripped off the Inhumans in the first place, as Marvel desperately tried to ram mutants down our throats to replace their obviously superior and much more interesting Terrigen-swilling despots!!


Nah, I don't believe it, either. The Inhumans suck. Always have, always will. Even if they were Uncanny first...

Two Millennia Of Political Philosophy Debate Summarized In One Panel

Throw away all those textbooks and dry treatises, kids.

Because you can summarize the past 2000 years of political thought with this debate:

So you just need to decide if you're with Team Popeye or on Team Blozo, and you can pass any philosophy test.

You're welcome.

From Popeye #51 (1960), as reprinted in Classic Popeye #51 (2016)

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

I Shot The Sheriff...

...but I did not shoot:

See, if it weren't for comic books, I never would have known that Henry Fonda once had his own television show!! Thank you, Dell!!

Of course, it was a fairly easy paycheck for Fonda. Over the two seasons, his Marshall Simon Fry was really the lead in only 25% of the episodes. The rest of the time, he just narrated, and showed up briefly in the prologue and (sometimes) the epilogue. His deputy, Clay McCord, did the heavy lifting in most episodes...hence the name of the series!

In fact, Fonda apparently recorded most of his work for each season in a few lengthy filming sessions, freeing himself for more lucrative and more artistically respectable movie work during the traditional television filming period. Nice work if you can get it.

And really, that's all I have to say about The Deputy...Except that I have Henry Fonda preserved in comic book form. Which is why I love comic books...

Best Pulp Cover You've Never Seen: Fantastic Story Magazine, Summer 1954

Art by Walter Popp.

I am obliged to note that this issue contain a story entitled "Martians Twitter" by Wilbur S. Peacock. I haven't read it, but I choose to believe that it is an eerily prophetic tale, depicting Martians making fun of our 2016 election in 140 character bursts...

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

The Only Good Atom Bomb Is An American Atom Bomb!

Captain America reminds you:

Atomic bombs are good and beautiful...but only if they're American A-bombs!!

Of course, that was the crazy, racist commie-fighting Cap, so maybe we should take his view with a grain of salt?

From Young Men #25 (1954)

This Explains An Awful Lot About Jaws 2, 3 &4!!

There's been a sudden trend in New York of people jumping into the water--and disappearing!!

Sounds like a job for...Namor, The Sub-Mariner!!

And what does old Fishhead find?

People attacked by sharks...on dry land?!

Sharks teaming up to attack boats?!?

Mysterious strangers making mysteriously gloating comments?!?

Yeah, Namor was a dickweed even back in the day.

Well, he sets up a stakeout on the beach, and...

Exposition time:

That makes perfect sense to me!!

Now, for something you don't see every day:

A great white shark committing suicide! 

(For the record, this story was pre-Code. But it was reprinted, 100% intact, in Giant-Size Defenders #2 (1974), where I first read it. It scared the crap outta young snell, I must say...)

Anyway, now that Namor knows the deal, he has a plan:

And so...

Sufferin' shad!! 

Well, of course, it's obvious what happened. Some of these super-intelligent space-sharks escaped, and went on to menace teenagers, innocent boaters, and waterparks on motion-picture screens throughout the 70s and 80s.

Plus, it would explain Jabberjaw...

From Young Men #25 (1954)