Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Your Tax Dollars At Work--That's A Lot Of Names!!

This sounds like the set-up for a heist/con movie...

I mean, who wouldn't break into the Social Security Administration just to steal Bob Dylan's autograph?!?


...I would certainly hope they're well past the microfilm stage by now. Maybe Windows 3.1?

And, yes, that's an awful lot of names.

I suspect that the percentage of people give their Social Security number from memory is a lot higher than this comic would wish.

"Changed your name for some other reason..." See, I told you it was some kind of scam movie. Danny Ocean has to break into the old SS microfilm room to replace Bob Dylan's SS-5 with one signed as Robert Zimmerman, because...[Editor's note: snell is not allowed to plot movies]

Thank you, Social Security Administration!!

From The Future Is Now (1969)

Ragnarok Was Chopped Liver!!

Given all the attention that Thor's getting right now, it might be nice to see how old Goldilocks views the Marvel cosmic hierarchy:

You can click to embiggen the Ron Lim goodness, but I blew up the individual parts for you.

How ya doin', Thor?

Oops, cut off Loki there. Sorry, Matt Damon!!

How about the bigger guns?

You know this next guy is my favorite:


You might remember this guy...

This next guy (maybe) answers the eternal question, could Odin create a weapon so powerful it could destroy him?

Oh, yeah, and there's this guy:

Much better than a "cosmic cloud creature." Sheesh, movie makers, how stupid are you??

Ah, yes, let's not forget the the Beyonder has gone trough at least two massively stupid retcons. At first, he was the sentient embodiment of an entire other universe. Then, they decided that he was a not yet complete Cosmic Cube. Then, Bendis and Reed decided that he wasn't even that--he was just a mutant Inhuman. No wonder Thor has no respect for him...Next? The Beyonder was just a schmo with a magic wishing penny...

Not just Celestials, but "higher level" Celestials!!

This guy really should have been in the Doctor Strange movie, to blow our puny minds.

The Living Tribunal!! Don't mess with him!!

Over/under on how many of these guys will turn up in Avengers: Infinity War?

BTW, you'll note that Thor managed to do all that without any damned Asgardian font.

From Thor Annual #14 (1989)

Monday, December 11, 2017

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Namor Is Brittle!

Namor is...well, you know how he is.

But how about a story where he gets pissed off at everyone, above and below the surface?

We start with Namor discovering a previously unknown deep sea trench near Europe:

OK, bad guys then!

But Namor gets away...because he packs a shiv!!


Anyway, humans--European humans, at least--are dickweeds, too!


You're talking to a hybrid mutant ruler of an amphibious race--one who saved your hash during WWII--and you have doubts about the existence of octopus men?!? Are you mad?

Well, you can guess what happens immediately.

Man, I love that panel. Bill Everett rules, guys.

Of course, the humans come crawling to Namor for help now...

Again...people need to say "Bah!" in comics more often!!

The funny part--they still don't believe Namor. It can't be octopus men--it must be Americans!!

The EU (or whatever, I'm on a roll) used depth charges to seal up most of the tunnels. Fortunately for America's sake...there are a couple of stragglers left!

So now Namor hates everyone, under and over the sea. We all suck!!

I think Namor just needs his own planet, where he won't have to interact with anyone for awhile!

By the way, lest you scoff at octopus men...

...this video clearly shows that octopi only about 5 minutes away from evolving enough to murder us all in our beds.

So, when Namor warns you about octopus men, you'd damned well better listen!!

From Human Torch #38 (1954)

Manic Monday Bonus--Long Live The Revolution!!

Man, if there's anything I like better than a Red Tornado story,it's a Red Tornado story where the bad guys spout bad Marxism at you the whole time!!

Red Tornado is malfunctioning so badly that he can't use the JLA teleporter or signal device to get help--but he apparently is well enough to use the telephone to call a local electronics store to see if they have a tool he needs, and take a bus down there.

Yeah, makes no sense, but Red Tornado, right?

Unfortunately, the electronics shop has been taken over by...Marxist terrorists!!

Yes, they are laying it on thick. Thank you, Gerry Conway.

Don't worry...Red Tornado to the rescue!


Don't worry...Reddy has his second wind!

Nice prioritizing there, pal--get the costume changed first, then go after the terrorists. Sigh...

Prepare yourself for discussion that's more Marx Brothers than Marx:

I guess we have to rely on the civilian to save the super-hero!

Well, that was pretty bad.

I guess the lesson is that, when even a malfunctioning Red Tornado can beat you, your political philosophy might be doomed.

From World's Finest Comics #269 (1981)